During a long hike this summer, I discovered Alex Mathers. Most of his posts focus on reminding you of simple things you know work but you seem to forget. I highly recommend signing up for his newsletter.

But pitch aside, his article titled: 10 subtle things that make people respect you more struck home for me because most of the things on the list are what I tell me coaching clients every day:

1. Talk Less. Move Slowly. Speak Slower. Speaking less demonstrates comfort in one’s own skin. It also generates a mystery about you that keeps people interested. One of the data science leaders I most respect doesn’t speak up a lot, so when he does, we all listen. That is respect.

   • Be relaxed and move slowly. Moving slowly signals you are in control (to your brain and to others). When you move quickly, according to Alex, “You appear like a nervous woodland creature in the headlights.”

     If you are learning to slow down, physically slowing your movements will help signal to your brain that you should slow down and calm down. “This alone will shift the perspective others have of you as well as the one you have of yourself.”

   • Talk a fraction slower. Related to the above. “Talk slower and you will calm down, elevate your perceived status, and garner respect.” When we move and speak too fast, people can’t understand us. We exhaust them. As PMs, we often feel we have to speak fast to be heard before people move on or to get it all out. But when we do that, we lose our audience.

2. Physical Appearance Matters. It isn't about being the most beautiful, but small things about your appearance make all the difference. “We might claim that caring about how we look is shallow, but deep down you know it’s key, and will alter the perception others have of you greatly.”

   • Dress Well. “Dress well and you will feel better and create an entirely different impression versus looking scruffy. It makes a huge difference.”

3. Stop Trying to impress everyone. Stop Being Available All the Time. People will sense a lack of self-respect, time management, and focus if you are always available. And you will not be in demand, just the lackey doing everyone else’s work. Most PMs find themselves trying to impress by being available all the time. Related:

   • Know your boundaries and exert them. People-pleasers have few boundaries and don’t command respect.

4. Hold people’s eye. Holding someone’s gaze displays confidence. Just think about the people around you who look you in the eye.

5. Take up more space. This is particularly important for women. Spread out a little when you sit and it will display confidence.

Photo by Sharon Rosseels on Unsplash